Last week I went to visit, and have lunch with, my friend Tina. She had surgery so naturally I wanted to let her know I cared. I took food from our favorite restaurant, The Shack. I must say, Tina was a tad more subdued than usual. Actually she just seemed high. I guess it was the copious amounts of pain meds shed taken since the surgery. Good thing we have a wonderful Celebrate Recovery at our church 😊. Despite Tina’s altered state of mind, the only time we weren’t talking was when we were chewing. That is, except for that one, fateful pause!
She told me about the pain she was in, and how bad the surgery scars looked. Wine are so hard on themselves. I assured her they’d start to look better. That’s what girlfriends are for right? Besides, who would be seeing her naked but her husband and doctors?! And husband’s don’t care about scars! They’re only studying one thing if their wives are naked! She said this surgery was so bad that if she had to have another surgery, it would have to be a dire emergency! Like, she would have to be dying! Like any good friend would do, I told her that when it was over, all the pain would be worth it because she’s skinny!
As the conversation rocked on, we were talking about family and family happenings, when she said, in a rather somber tone, “The other day I caught Mike (her husband) looking at…” Then she paused as if to gather her emotions. My thoughts immediately started racing. It was as if time had stopped. My head was spinning. “Oh my gosh!” I thought. “She caught Mike looking at porn! How could he do that to her?! Especially after she was already feeling insecure about her scarred body!” My mind was reeling, and my blood was boiling! I started silently praying (in between calling Mike names in my head) asking God to help me console my poor friend. I asked God to help me say just the right things. I know! I’ll hold her and assure her that Mike is a jerk for doing that, and that she is beautiful! I’ll tell her that even though he’s a jerk, there’s still hope for Mike, and there is still hope for their marriage! I’ll encourage her to pray for him, and to bust his #!@# computer into a million pieces! “What the heck is wrong with him?!” I thought. I was silently screaming. “Doesn’t he know this doesn’t just affect him?! How would I ever look at Mike the same?!”
Like I said, I suppose the pain meds had slowed her down a bit, plus in reality, the pause wasn’t near as long as I’d thought. Nonetheless, she finally finished her sentence. “I caught Mike looking at…….Miniature Dachshunds.” At that moment I snapped back to reality?!? Freakin’ Minature Dachshunds?!? What the?! I think I stared at her for a few seconds before I spoke. If she hadn’t been in such an altered state of mind she might’ve wondered what the heck was wrong with me. I was relieved of course, but I was sure enough cracking up at the scenario that had just played out in my mind. I said, “Girl, you know you can’t pause that long in the middle of a sentence! Just because you’re mind is in slow-mo doesn’t mean mine is! My mind kept right on going! I thought you were going to say that you’d caught Mike looking at porn! I had already labeled him a pervy jerk, and was gearing up to console you!”. Naturally laughter ensued. Then she said, “Looking at miniature dachshunds IS like porn for us!” I don’t think she realized just how bad that sounded! Thankfully I knew what she’d meant, and I was extremely thankful that my image of Mike hadn’t been tarnished.
Don’t you just love how, in a split second, we can jump to conclusions, and our minds can start playing tricks on us? More often than not, I tend to speak before I think, and end up with my foot in my mouth, which is even more painful the older you get! I mean that literally and figuratively! This is precisely why the bible tells us in Proverbs 21:23, to keep our mouths closed and we’ll stay out of trouble. Also James 1:19 tells us that it is best to listen much, speak little, and not become angry. If you ask me, those are words to live by! I seriously need to tattoo those two verses on the tops of my hands, so that when I’m talking, I’ll see them! Because I talk with my hands, like really bad. So bad that people say I probably couldn’t talk if my hands were tied. Anyway, there I go rambling on. Today, let’s all try and listen more and speak less. That should stop a lot of confusion. Not to mention, make people wonder what we’re up to! Bahahahaha!