Confessions Of A Whiney Brat

People do a lot of crazy things. I would say that was an understatement in today’s world. It seems to me there’s so much pain, people will do anything to numb themselves.

Some use drugs, prescribed and illegal. Some drink excessively. Others do things like cutting themselves. Others have sex to try and fill the void, or cover their pain. No matter what’s caused the pain, no matter why someone is hurting, no matter if it was something that was out of their control, or a consequence of their own sin; pain is pain! And no matter what or how or why, the solution is the same!

I’ve had times when I’ve went through pain I thought would never end. When we lost our daughter, I chose to skip over the grieving process and have as much “fun” as I possibly could. Sometimes at the expense of others.

We weren’t living for The Lord at the time, so that’s probably why I didn’t blame God. I think, in my mind, I was thinking that because I wasn’t “good” I deserved what I was getting.

Later, after deciding I was tired of being a self centered wench, I decided to rededicate my life. I became a sold out believer, and my whole life changed! Ah! Finally, the easy life! Um…..BULL CRAP!

I was doing everything right. Praying, reading my bible, teaching, doing everything I possibly could do at church. Why then, did things seem to be falling apart at the seems?

We wanted a baby and couldn’t have one. Our son had changed into a person we didn’t even recognize. Our income had been cut in half. How could God allow all this to happen when we finally had things right?! I mean. Things seemed to be better when all we did was party?! We didn’t deserve any of this!

I was totally mad at God! I was more than mad! I was plum pissed! Couldn’t He see everything I was doing? Didn’t He realize how good I was? I deserved to get what I wanted. “That’s it! I’ll show Him! From now on He gets the silent treatment!” Yeah right! He probably wishes I’d given Him the silent treatment, because the barrage of whining and pity parties I bombarded Him with probably made Him want to smite me on the spot! What a brat I’d become! If I’d gotten what I’d deserved it sure wouldn’t be pretty. Not for any of us.

Eventually, when I realized that I couldn’t manipulate God with my incredibly childish behavior, I decided that I’d simmer down and trust that He knew what He was doing, even though it seemed stupid to me! “Lean not on my own understanding” I kept telling myself. “His ways are higher than my ways” I’d repeat. I’d tell myself that Jesus Himself didn’t even want to go what He had to go through on the cross, but He told His Father, “Your will be done.” Did Jesus deserve to suffer? Nope. Am I anywhere near better than Jesus? I don’t think so!

We’re going to go through crap as long as we’re living. That’s a fact. It may be things we don’t have an explanation for, or something we may never understand this side of Heaven; but here’s the deal…we don’t have to! We just have to know that, no matter how bad something hurts, no matter if we can’t seem to see an end in sight, even when we think we don’t deserve what we’re getting; God has it all under control, everything in and of this earth Is temporary! We win in the end! TRUST! Even when it seems impossible, choose to trust! Nothing is impossible with God! Hang in there! Hold your head high! Pray without ceasing! God’s got this!

Oh, sing to him you saints of his; give thanks to his holy name. His anger lasts a moment; his favor lasts for life! Weeping may go on all night, but in the morning there is joy. In my prosperity I said, “This is forever; nothing can stop me now! The Lord has shown me his favor. He has made me steady as a mountain.” Then, Lord, you turned your face away from me and cut off your river of blessings.Suddenly my courage was gone; I was terrified and panic-stricken. I cried to you, O Lord; oh, how I pled: “What will you gain, O Lord, from killing me? How can I praise you then to all my friends? How can my dust in the grave speak out and tell the world about your faithfulness? Hear me, Lord; oh, have pity and help me.” Then he turned my sorrow into joy! He took away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy so that I might sing glad praises to the Lord instead of lying in silence in the grave. O Lord my God, I will keep on thanking you forever! Psalm 30: 4-12

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