Cycling Safety. Tips For The Inexperienced “Rider”

I love PMS! The bloating. Feeling like you’re going to starve to death if you don’t get that chocolate donut. Gas. Zits. Tireder’n a crippled coon. Ill as a dadgum hornet. Nervous as a cat poopin’ peach seeds on a hot tin roof.

I had to go all Southern on you to make my point! If you’re as tired as a crippled coon, ill as a hornet, or nervous as a cat pooping peach seeds, you’re in bad shape! Really bad shape!!

While we’re on the subject, I have a tidbit of advice for my male readers. If your wife, girlfriend, fiancé, friend who is a girl, your mom, sister, aunt or random stranger who happens to be female, gets mad at you; never, and I stress NEVER, ask her “What’s wrong with you? Are you PMSing?” If you do, here’s what will happen.

If we’re NOT PMSing, you’ll be ripped a new one for assuming that you’re not capable of getting under a females skin unless she’s hormonal. If we ARE PMSing, you’ll be ripped a new one for assuming that you can’t make a female mad unless her hormones are haywire. Which is basically the same, and it’s a lose, lose situation for you either way. Just apologize, hug her, pick up your dirty underwear, take out the trash, wash the dishes, and in most cases you might want to keep your distance. If you say too much, you’ll be accused of patronizing and that’s almost as bad.

Now that I’ve taken care of the men, I’ll address the women. I mean, we (especially those of us over 40) can’t help it that we only have 2 good weeks a month, if we’re lucky. We can’t help it that our bodies were created this way, by God Himself, so that we could replenish the earth with offspring. We can’t help it that, as we anticipate the fact that we’re about to be bleeding profusely for 5-7 days, we might be a tad bit on edge. We can help it that, as a young lady, at least half of us have been traumatized by the fact that we got up at school and walked all the way down the hall with a huge blood stain on the back of our pants. And we sure can’t help it that, had Adam been the godly leader of his wife Eve and put her in her place about eating the forbidden fruit, we wouldn’t be under this curse anyway! However, I feel like we should, and could, conduct ourselves in a more Christlike manner, even when we do have raging hormones. Here are a few tips to enable us to control ourselves.

*Read the bible. You’ll need scripture to be called to memory so that you can share them with those who anger you. For instance, you can use Matthew 16:23 “Get away from me, Satan! You are a dangerous trap to me. You are seeing things merely from a human point of view, not from God’s.” Make sure to use a stern voice. That’s sharing the Word of God right there!
*Turn on the praise music! Crank it up so loudly that you can’t hear anything anyone else is saying. And last but not least…
**Pray. Pray that the Holy Spirit will help the people around us to learn, and keep up with our cycles. That way they’ll know when to back off.

I hope this blog has encouraged you, lifted your spirits, educated and blessed you. I’m going to find my Midol now!

“Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” Luke 23:34

6 thoughts on “Cycling Safety. Tips For The Inexperienced “Rider”

  1. Woman to woman – this woman stuff is a bear isn’t it…I’m 50 now and I want to buy all the tee-shirts with those silly slogans like – “I used to be hot but now I’m just sweaty”
    I realize for all the times I feel cruddy – it would be too many times to be moody – so I try my best to keep my happy on…my teens and husband really do appreciate it 🙂
    AnnMarie

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      1. I’ve taken to thinking about walking on my hands to help with the whole gravity/weight thing. I fortunately married a giant man who (whenever I’m with him) makes me look smaller than I really am. So I try bringing him everywhere 😉
        AnnMarie
        And I hear the US Gov is working on non-deadly parasites that will eat the fat right off and leave only the good stuff 😉

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      2. Pleasantly plump criminals would have difficulty finding a non-biased jury 😉 Although, given current US obesity statistics, finding 12 thin jurors would be nearly as impossible as finding honest politicians these days 😉
        AnnMarie

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      3. Ha! Ain’t that the truth! American citizens may have to start using meth to avoid a fat tax. 🙂 *that was supposed to say “I wouldn’t put it past*

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