So, this morning is a much more peaceful morning. With the exception of when I turned the lights on, Tucker seems to be resting peacefully! This is HUGE!
I want y’all to know how much we ALL appreciate all the prayers, visits, the use of your facilities, messages, calls, cards, food, gifts, and sweet comments. I’m not much of a ‘thank you card’ kinda gal, but I seriously appreciate everything more than y’all will EVERknow! My entire family is sincerely grateful.
Several of you have commented about my faith. If you read this blog at all, then you know that, over the past few years, I’ve had no choice but to rely on God. The things we’ve been through have been completely out of my control. Which, I have to admit, drives me crazy! I’m a woman. I like being in control. The situation we find ourselves in now is much the same, but different. I feel as though my faith in Christ hasn’t wavered, but I must tell you that I have seriously lost my religion, on more than one occasion, in the past week! Some of you think I’m strong? I can assure you, the split second I take my eyes off God, my flesh is WEAK! I’d be embarrassed if y’all heard some of the things I’ve said this week! Much less if you could’ve seen my thoughts! Unfortunately God has been fully aware of it all…ugh!
When dealing with addicts, and the ups and downs of addiction, it seems so easy to blame sin and/or the devil. You know what I mean? I’ve always tried to remind myself of things like “that’s not my real son, it’s the drugs talking” which makes it easier to handle when the craziness starts. And even though addiction is a sin problem, which makes it way easier to hang on tightly to your faith, the bad situations caused are a direct result of the addicts choices. However, when your life is turned upside down by another person’s actions, that’s a whole different ball game.
In the beginning, when I thought our lives would quickly go back to normal, I was quick to forgive. Now that things have had a chance to sink in, as you can tell by my blogs, I’M PISSED! I’m sure, as with any type of grief, you go through many phases, and this is just one of them. There’s been a lot of weird situations, drama, and rumors attached to this incident, which makes things even worse. I have cussed, lost my temper, and wanted to do things to hurt the person who did this. I’ve had bad thoughts toward him and, at times, I might’ve wanted to carry those thoughts out myself. I’ve woke up from a dead sleep and could not get the image out of my head, of that person kicking my baby while he’s unconscious. I suppose that’s enough to make anyone want to harm another person. Or, maybe I’m just a butt?? This is a bumpy ride, no doubt, but it won’t last long!
Our family has definitely grown closer because of all this, and when I say family, that includes Olivia and Lajuana. Lajuana’s been around for Tuck from the get-go, and we’d already ‘adopted’ Olivia before Tucker even came back home. My mom referred to Olivia as Tucker’s security blanket, and she’s right! Olivia hasn’t left Tucker’s side, and if it hadn’t been for her, Tucker wouldn’t even be here! She’s been a buffer for us with Tucker, which has been much needed! (Sometimes a patient responds better to someone who’s not his parent! And it doesn’t hurt that she’s really pretty!) She’s been on “Tucker duty” more than anyone, and with not so much as one complaint. And believe me, sometimes there’s been LOTS to complain about! We couldn’t have done it without her! She’s been a lifesaver, and we LOVE her!
I do have to say that, amidst the turmoil, there have been some really funny things happen, some of which I am about to start telling y’all! Some of you may think it’s cruel to get a laugh at the expense of our son’s TBI, but I can assure you; he’d do the SAME thing! Plus, my blog will be lighter and you’ll laugh when you read it! I’m sure y’all need to laugh as much as I do! I’m warning you ahead of time though; some of the funny things may include explicit language. I’m just sayin’! Stay tuned!
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:26