I have to be honest this morning. I don’t really feel like writing. For me, yesterday was bad, I got so sad thinking about how we had the real Tucker with us for a couple weeks, how much of a joy it was, and how bright his, and our, futures seemed. Finally, it seemed as if things were looking up!
After dealing with “meth Tucker”, with his angry outbursts, paranoia, disrespectfulness, and extremely self serving attitude, seeing our REAL Tucker was the sweetest thing ever! Our boy is kind, gentle, caring, and funny! He loves his family, children, animals and old people. He’s not perfect, but he’s good! I love both Tuckers, but what I wouldn’t give to have the real Tucker ALL the time! And we thought that’s what we were going to get. Until someone took the “real Tucker” from us.
In the past, it’s been Tucker’s choices that have taken the real Tucker and hidden him away. As hard as that was to deal with, it’s nowhere near as hard as having to deal with someone else’s senseless act of violence. Sitting here knowing that person is doing whatever he wants, whenever and however he wants, (and just to be honest, some of the things that person is doing is a slap in our faces. He may as well be standing right in front of me laughing in our faces) while Tucker is struggling with everyday life, quite frankly pisses me off! As I watch Tucker struggle with controlling his emotions; the angry outbursts, the paranoia, and the childlike behaviors he exhibits, I can’t help but get angry! I want the real Tucker back!!
This is hard on our family and I’m asking for prayer! I know many of you are praying and we’re beyond grateful! Pray for our family to handle things right with Tuck. That we’ll respond to him in ways that will help, and not hinder, his healing process. Pray for Tuck to have peace and for clarity of mind. Pray for all of us to depend on God and not our own understanding, because if left to my own devices, I might go crazy!!
This too shall pass! I know this! This is a journey, and I’ve never been much for traveling. Alas, I lace up my traveling boots and set out on a path not of my choosing, but one chosen for me. This is not a journey to be travelled alone. No! This journey is to be shared with Jesus, family, and friends. With that I say Bon voyage! Let the journey begin! Every journey needs music!! https://www.dropbox.com/sh/05cviv4tmng7f6s/AADMSXtkG67jM0682wEWmV6ca/Damaged%20Goods.mp3
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6