I didn’t write a blog yesterday because I was spending time with friends and family. I really wanted to write one, but I’ve realized that relationships are way more important than a stinking blog. I mean, I know some if you may have curled up in a corner in fetal position, and cried all day when you checked Facebook, Twitter, or your email and there was no new blog. I’m sorry if I caused anyone to have a come apart. That certainly was not my intentions.
It’s been a rough couple days at the Hawkins’ house. As well as Tucker’s doing, I often forget what a long road we have ahead, then there’s a
not so subtle reminder. Poor Tuck has been getting restless and depressed. He’s tired of being cooped up. Tired of not thinking clearly. Tired of thinking he’ll never get any better. Tired of hurting. Tired of not being able to see. Tired of not being able to hear out of his right ear. Really tired of being paranoid. I guess he’s just plain tired. I can tell you this; momma’s tired too! Tired of seeing my boy suffering. This too shall pass!
Last night, my nieces, Tori, Ivy, and Ivy’s BFF Brittany spent the night. Tucker was being so sweet, picking on them and stuff. He was laughing and carrying on, and the girls, except poor Brittany who was trying to sleep, we’re laughing right along with him. I was cooking supper, and grinning from ear to ear. I love nothing more than for my house to be full of the people I love, and to hear them laughing! Even if they are making a mess.
After a few minutes, Tucker came into the kitchen laughing and asked, “Momma, why do I feel like I’m their age?” He was laughing, but I know it bothers him. I assured him that it would get better, it just takes time. He hung out a little longer, and the next thing I know he’s crying. Talk about breaking a mother’s heart. My son’s one of the toughest people I know. Normally, if you see him crying, you’d better look out, because it means he’s mad as a wet hen, or a mashed cat! But not last night. His emotions are up and down and all over the place. It’s very difficult for me to watch, especially when there isn’t a thing I can do, except just be with him. As difficult as it is for me to watch, I can’t even begin to imagine what it’s like to be the one having to experiencing it.
I can say this. Not one tear shed will be wasted! God sees and feels every, single one. Not one ounce of laughter will be taken for granted. I’m going to cherish every minute (even the very, very, difficult ones) with our son. When things get tough, I’ll remind myself of just how close we were to not having him, and that God heals and restores. And when He does? He gives you more than you could ever ask or dream! He is the author and finisher of our faith! He works all things together for the good of those who love Him! He makes all things new! He will complete the work He’s started! And His will WILL be done!! He keeps His promises. Amen! Here’s to a GREAT day!