Yesterday was a bit of a challenge. Having a 23 year old, who’s used to being on his own, that we’re having to treat like a 12 year old SUX! It’s bad for him, but let me tell you, it’s no picnic for us either! I told him that until he’s well what he does IS our business! I told him that one little slip up (drinking, drugs, a fight) could cause him to be the way he is right now for the rest of his life, and that we would do everything in our power to make sure that didn’t happen! I let him know real quick like that we were 44 years old, and our days of parenting him were supposed to be over, and we dang sure didn’t want to have to do it for the rest of our lives! I guess something clicked, because he stopped telling me he was going somewhere that I didn’t approve of him going. I explained, and apologized to him for having to treat him this way when, clearly, he’s a grown man. He doesn’t realize just how fragile he is, and how that his decision making is way off right now. I asked him to be patient with us, and cut me a little slack when I’m acting way too “momish“. I assured him that when all this is over, I’ll stay out of his business. 🙂 Or will I?! Bwahahaha!
Last night, after midnight, he woke us (well, pretty much, he just woke me up, Steve would only respond when Tucker would shake him, and force him to) trying to piece together what exactly had happened to him, and exactly who all might have been involved. The paranoia he goes through is horrible. He gets in this mode where he’s talking in a weird voice, and kinda rocks back and forth. It’s weird, but I love it when he’s talking and opening up to me. He told me that he doesn’t like talking to me because I always bring up the brain injury. He said, “I thought I’d give it a try, (talking to me) but it’s just not working out.” He kind of chuckled and walked out. He walked right back in 5 seconds later and kept yapping. When he was finished with his rant, he walked out while I was in mid sentence. What the crap?!
At one point he said, “I know exactly how Josh feels!” Josh is my friend Tina’s autistic son. Here’s what I think. I think God is going to use this to give Tucker a compassion, and a love for all the Joshes in the world! He’s going to know what it feels like to know something’s not quite right, and know that everyone else around him knows something’s not right, and that there’s nothing he can do about it.
I’m going to start thanking God for all the lessons He can and will teach all of us through this season of our lives. I’m also going to pray that these rants happen before midnight!!
“Don’t be afraid of me. Am I God, to judge and punish you? 20 As far as I am concerned, God turned into good what you meant for evil…Genesis 50:19-20