Lately I’ve been in a bit of a funk. As I sit here, I’m having trouble coming up with anything to say. What’s up with that?! Sometimes, I think that I think way too much, however, I don’t know how to stop. From wondering if Tucker will always be this way, to wondering what people must think of him (and me, aka pride) when he does something silly, or mean, or obnoxious.
People make remarks like, “He knows what he’s doing.” or “He knew he was being rude.” or “Am I just supposed to let him get away with that?” To answer those questions…yes he does. Yes he did. And, in some cases, yes you are! At least until he’s in a mood conducive for listening. Yes, he may know something isn’t quite right, but that’s no guarantee he won’t do, or say it anyway, and for that I’m sorry. I need a shirt that says “I’m not with ‘stupid’ I’m with ‘brain injury’ 👉.”
I worry that people may think he’s on drugs. Heck, sometimes I wonder, and I’m with him nearly 24/7! Which is a whole new level of “OMG!” No 44 year old mother should have to spend that much time with her grown son, and no grown son should have to spend that much time with his mom. I’m just saying. All this, after having written so sweetly about him just yesterday! It wasn’t long, after I published the blog, until we started getting on each other’s nerves!
That’s how it goes I reckon. It seems to be that way with every relationship, even our relationship with God. One day I’m just gushing over how good God is, and the next day I’m annoyed by someone else’s spiritual high. Am I the only one who ever feels that way, or the only one who will admit it? Sometimes people will be like “Oh! God is SO good! He’s done this and that!” And I’m like “I just threw up a little bit in the back of my mouth!” Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I’m never happy when God moves in the lives of others, because I am! Especially if it’s a situation I’ve been praying about! 🙂 That was
sort of a joke. I don’t want y’all thinking that y’all can’t tell me when God’s working in y’all’s lives! Geez, it’s not like you’d ever know that I was annoyed! 🙂
I don’t know, maybe I’m jealous because God’s not moving mountains in my life at the moment. I can assure you, however, that I’m fully aware of the amazing things He’s done for me. Maybe it’s pride because, in the back of my mind, I’m secretly comparing myself to others, thinking that if I were as good as they are, God would make my life as good, and as easy as theirs. I’ve walked this walk long enough to know that God never promised us an easy life, that things are not always as they appear, and that His goodness (thankfully) doesn’t depend on ours, yet I still catch myself trying to earn His favor. God forbid I make anyone that I care about (let alone my own son) feel as if they have to earn my love! We are to love because we are loved, not because we feel like a person is living up to our standards.
Wow. Now that the Holy Spirit has kicked MY butt, I guess I’ll go pray that, today I’ll love people whether they deserve it or not! Tomorrow, I’m sure I’ll have to start all over again because I know someone will get on my nerves! And another thing, so much for having a hard time coming up with something to say! Thank you Holy Spirit for giving me words and keeping me in line!
As they returned home, after David had killed the Philistine, the women poured out of all the villages of Israel singing and dancing, welcoming King Saul with tambourines, festive songs, and lutes. In playful frolic the women sang, Saul kills by the thousand,
David by the ten thousand!
This made Saul angry—very angry. He took it as a personal insult. He said, “They credit David with ‘ten thousands’ and me with only ‘thousands.’ Before you know it they’ll be giving him the kingdom!” From that moment on, Saul kept his eye on David. I Samuel 18: 6-9