I’m doing a bible study with a couple of friends called “A Woman After God’s Own Heart.” I’d love to tell y’all that starting a bible study filled me with excitement and giddiness, but I’m trying to be a woman after God’s own heart, and I’m pretty sure lying doesn’t cut the mustard. Truth be told, what I’m filled with is dread! I know I’ll be forced to learn something about myself.
I don’t like learning things about myself because being made aware of shortcomings means that said shortcomings must be dealt with and changed! I don’t like change! The only change I like is what I find in the couch, or when I’m cleaning out Steve’s pants pockets! The thing is, growth requires change, and we must grow. Ugh! This morning I was asked to describe the woman I wanted to be spiritually ten years from now, which can basically be summed up with this statement – I want to be doing exactly what God has called me to do, and I want to be doing it with NO fear!
What have I been called to do you ask? The same thing every other believer has been called to do!! Grow the body of Christ, and love on the least of these! I don’t know what that may look like for you, but I know this. Whatever it is we do HAS to be done out of love for God, and to bring attention to Him! If we minister in order to draw attention to ourselves, then our motives are wrong, and we may as well be doing nothing.
Y’all KNOW that’s something I struggle with! I LOVE being the center of attention :-)! I have to pray hard, and often, for God to help me stay focused on Him. Not only that, but I struggle with not being bitter if He has me doing something “behind the scenes“, or sometimes doing nothing at all. After I simmer down, and stop being a spoiled brat, I usually realize that He’s trying to tell me I’m not spending enough time with Him. I read this in my bible study, and it hit me hard! “The impact of your ministry to people will be in direct proportion to the time you spend with God.” Ouch! I don’t spend anywhere near enough time alone with God!
Thinking of all the opportunities I may have missed out on, simply because I wasn’t where I needed to be for God to use me, breaks my heart! Being that I struggle with wanting attention, God’s shown me (mostly the hard way) that anything and everything we do (no matter how small it may seem to us) to show someone the love of Jesus, is important! Even if, and especially when, no one but you and God knows! And even though I know doing things without anyone knowing is right and good, I still struggle with wanting to blab and brag about it! Self centered much?!? See! I told you this is what bible studies do! I smell change a’ comin’!
God, see what is in my heart. Know what is there. Put me to the test.
Know what I’m thinking. See if there’s anything in my life you don’t like. Help me live in the way that is always right. Psalm 139:23-24