As far back as I can remember I’ve loved kids. My Mawmaw used to babysit, and I would go stay with her and play with the babies. I wanted to have a bunch of kids! I’ve always wondered, if that was the desire of my heart, why God didn’t see fit for it to come to pass?? However, in His infinite wisdom, He’s shown me a few things. He always does!
When I was younger I made really stupid decisions. When we make really stupid decisions, (because of free will) I believe we get in the way of God’s intended plans. Don’t get me wrong, God is God, and He can do as He pleases no matter how badly we mess it up! But, there are certain things, because of HIS design, that just are the way they are. Making babies is one of those things.
God designed a woman’s body to make babies during certain years. If we choose not to make them during those years, we run the risk of it not happening, or being very difficult. Again, I know nothing is too difficult for God, but He DID design our bodies that way! And I wish I knew why some women (who seem not to care about their children at all) spit out babies like a Pez dispenser, and others desperately want babies but can’t have them. I was mad at God for years for that one! Then I remembered. HE never intended for us to live in sin, but He wanted us to have free will and to CHOOSE Him! Because Adam didn’t have the gonads to stand up to Eve, and because Eve wanted to be slick, sin entered the world. Because sin entered the world, unfortunately, lots of bad things happen. Dang you Adam and Eve!
Something else I’ve realized is that God IS giving me lots of kids! He just keeps giving me ones that are half grown and who are as jacked up as I am, if not worse! That’s not exactly what I wanted :-/. I wanted the cute, tiny ones who smelled all sweet and are really cuddly. Alas, the ones I keep getting sometimes have hickies on their necks, sometimes they come from jail or rehab, and a lot of them smoke lots of cigarettes. However, I’m VERY thankful for, and love them all!
I sometimes wonder why me?! Not in a bad way! Just, “why me” like, what the heck makes me anywhere near worthy enough to fill these shoes?!? Lord knows I made SO many mistakes with my own kid! Now God sees fit for me to influence someone else’s?! Those are mighty big shoes to fill! And I promise you, most of the time I feel very under qualified.
I pray that God gives me wisdom and discernment. He sure knows I need it with these younguns! I pray that, as long as I’m alive and able, God continues to give me young lives to pour into. Not just young in age, but also young in spiritual maturity. I pray that God gives me ears to hear Him, and that He gives them ears to hear the wisdom I speak that comes from Him :-)!!! I pray that Steve and I can even each other out with truth and grace (hard truth). I pray that I always take the lives of others (especially those who are struggling or who don’t know Jesus) seriously. And lastly, and most importantly, I pray that neither of us snap and kill any of them!
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next. Amen.