Is This REALLY What It ‘Boils’ Down To?!

I’ve come to the conclusion that aging sucks! Many of you, who join me in the ranks of the over 40 category, may have already reached that conclusion. I, on the other hand, have apparently, among a host of other ailments, become mentally slow. Things just don’t register with me the way they used to.

In the past week I’ve spilled three glasses of tea. I dropped a bowl of chicken in the floor while making chicken salad. I really wasn’t supposed to tell that because I promptly snatched up the chicken and washed it off. Keep in mind (for those of you who enjoyed the chicken salad made by me and my sidekick Miles) I had just mopped the floor because I’d knocked over my drink earlier. God made dirt and dirt don’t hurt. Right?! Anyway, I’ve had more bruises in the past few months than ever in my life! I fell coming up the stairs. I fell while getting something out of my car. Backwards. Into the mud!! Yeah. That happened! Flat on my butt! I jumped up so quickly ( hoping no one had seen) that I was dizzy, thus stumbling a couple more times!

The bible says, in Proverbs 16:31, that “Gray hair is like a crown of honor; it is earned by living a good life.” I could’ve sworn that gray hair came from having kids!! I could’ve sworn that there’s a few gray hairs on my head from having been married nearly 22 years?! And what’s going on with my face!?! I thought the zits went away with puberty?! Apparently they come back with a vengeance after 40! Never mind the lines and wrinkles! Job 16:8a says ” And thou hast filled me with wrinkles, which is a witness against me…” What have I done that’s so bad that I deserve this?! I can’t even afford a facelift! The last part of the verse says “and my leanness rising up in me beareth witness to my face.” OK! At least Job, with all his afflictions, was LEAN! Where’s MY leanness?! Had Job been a woman?! He would’ve been bragging about leanness, not complaining! I bet if you were to survey 100 women over 40, and ask them if they would be willing to be smitten with boils, from head to toe, if they were guaranteed to lose 20 pounds in one week and keep it off, without changing their eating habits, 90% of them would say yes! Shoot! I might be willing to try that diet plan myself! Bring on the donuts, fried chicken and BOILS! Yeah. Ok?…

Since I highly doubt they’ll come up with The One Week ‘Boil’ Diet any time soon, my only option to lose weight is to diet and exercise. Don’t expect to see skinny Christa any time soon! And since I highly doubt I’ll ever have enough money, to just do as I please with, I’ll ward off the wrinkles as best I can and grow old gracefully. Or, as gracefully as I can while tumbling UP the stairs, and OUT of my car, consequently knocking over my drink, hoping no one notices the huge zit on my face! Yeah. Because that’s graceful?! Sorry young people. This is what you all have to look forward to! But look on the bright side! What you lack in looks, you’ll make up for in wisdom! :-/

Wisdom is with the aged, and understanding in length of days. Job 12:12

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