I hope everyone had a great weekend. I’m here to tell you that whatever this crud is that’s plaguing me is kicking my butt ! I have no energy. My throat and ears hurt. The word poop comes to mind when looking for words to describe how I feel. After speaking with a nurse practitioner friend of mine, I’m fairly certain that i have sinusitis in the sinus cavity behind my eyes.
My nose isn’t running. I can breathe just fine. My face isn’t puffy. In fact, just by looking at me, you’d never know that anything was wrong! Therefore, I don’t get a lot of sympathy with this sickness! Y’all know I love nothing more than to be recognized when something’s bothering, or hurting me! About the only person who would know how bad I really feel (without having to listen to my list of complaints) is Steve. He knows because he’s the one I keep up at night with my tossing and turning, and hacking, snorting and spitting! He knows that, despite the fact that I look ok, I really do feel like crap! However, I’m not sure the pity party of one I’ve thrown myself had been warranted, and apparently God aimed to show me!
Often times, when we’re in the midst of a pity party, God will allow us to have a glimpse of someone else’s pain and suffering. Pain that, even though it’s not our own, is so bad it erases every ounce of self pity we could possibly muster. That, my friends, is what happened to me this weekend.
I had a friend who lost his dad, and as bad as that is, even that didn’t take the focus off my sickness. For one, per my friend’s dad’s request, they didn’t have a funeral. And although I wanted to be there for my friend, I didn’t want to spread my sickness to all of them. That’s all they would need to help them with the grieving process….a raging case of sinusitis! NOT! Plus, I know where his dad is going, and even though they will miss him, I know deep down they’re rejoicing for him, and take delight in the fact that they’ll spend eternity with their husband, daddy, and friend. I guess God knew the loss of one’s parent just wasn’t enough to penetrate my self pity, so He put me in the path of a person who’s pain far outweighed any I’ve ever experienced. Even the pain of losing our daughter doesn’t begin to compare to this young woman’s pain.
On the surface this young lady looked well put together, confident and beautiful. Her baby bump made her glow with the radiance only motherhood can lend. As she started to speak, it’s as if the confidence, she so inaccurately portrayed, melted away right where she sat. It was obvious she was nervous. After looking past her pretty, glowing appearance, and seeing the tears that welled up, and the deep seeded pain hidden behind those beautifully made up eyes, I realized that looks are definitely deceiving. As she told of her decision to give her unborn baby up for adoption, a choice made not out of selfishness but one of desperation, I had to choke back tears. I realized that even though this young lady had experienced much hurt, and made a lot of mistakes for someone her age, she was choosing to give her child life and to hopefully break some of the generational curses that plagued her.
I’m not sure if I’ll ever see this young lady again, but I pray that she knows what a selfless and courageous thing she’s doing. I pray that she understands she’s sacrificing so much to see her baby girl live a life that she, herself, had dreamed of so many times as a child. I pray that she understands how much it spoke to me to see her knowingly face people who will judge her for not keeping her child, when she could’ve done away with the problem without telling a soul. I’ve shied away from things under a whole lot less pressure! I pray she knows that her sacrifice is helping another family, and that there will be healing and peace for her, and hopefully God will bless her with a family all her own when the time is right. I pray that she knows how beautiful and pure she is in the eyes of Jesus. I pray that she sees herself the way He does and finds the peace that can only come from knowing the love of Christ. I pray that she’s able to experience love in the true sense and share that with others. I pray that she allows God to help her use her life experiences to help others, and that she doesn’t let one thing she’s had to go through go to waste! And I pray that I’m not so quick to throw a pity party, but to look for those who are hurting and minister to them. And I pray that no matter how things look to me, I’ll be willing to help!
Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit. Psalm 51:12