Through the years, of being self employed, I’ve become quite accustomed to, often times, having very little money. Living on a self employed person’s income means that you learn to save for a rainy day. When that rainy day comes the money’s gone much quicker than it took to save it, then you’re sweating until more jobs come along. You can be rolling in the dough one minute and as broke as a three legged dog the next. There’s been times when I’ve been so depressed, over being broke, that all I wanted to do was binge eat, but there wouldn’t be near enough groceries in the house!
There were times, nine or so years ago when the economy crashed, and I’d just started living for The Lord, that I’d lock myself in the bedroom and pray as hard as I could for work. Aka, I’d pitch a fit like a little kid, blame God, asking Him why in the world He’d brought us to this God forsaken, hick of a town just to watch us be destroyed. The crazy thing is, in spite of my childish, rude, untrusting, disrespectful behavior, God always came through! Sure, we paid some bills late, and yes, when a 1-800 number called I usually avoided it, but we made it, and we never went without! Ever!
We’d packed up everything. Well, almost everything. We’d left Mr. Jingles, Tucker’s pet rat, behind at our old house, with the intentions of going home often enough to keep him fed. Of course, I didn’t get home anywhere near as much as I’d wanted to. It didn’t take long to figure out that animals will die if you don’t keep them fed. Who knew? Anyway, as I was saying, there we were in this strange, little town, where there wasn’t even a Walmart mind you! And I knew no one! Just moving was enough to send this hometown girl into a tailspin, but not knowing anyone?! That, my friends, was horrific! Needless to say, for me, the move was less than desirable. However, when I decided to live for God, I expected Him to make all things perfect! Yeah. That’s not hardly how it went! But going through those hard times is what taught me to trust in God! And that God takes care of those who love Him. It taught me that material things are definitely NOT what matters, and to be a good steward of the things God graciously gives us. And, most importantly, I learned that I don’t have to pitch a hissy fit for God to hear me! He’s there hoping that we’ll talk to Him about everything, good and bad. And He has a way of assuring us that, no matter how bad things may seem, we can always rest easy in Him, and that there’s a peace that passes all understanding that can only come from having a close, trusting, personal relationship with The One who loves us the most!
If you can’t seem to find peace, maybe you’re not trusting God enough. Its very easy to trust Him when everything’s giggles and gumdrops! But trusting Him in the bad times takes effort! Fake it ’til you make it! Test Him and see! He will take care of you!
Once I was young, and now I am old (not that old!). Yet I have never seen the godly abandoned or their children begging for bread. Psalm 37:25