I hope y’all had a great weekend! I must say mine was good! We had a nice, calm, incident free weekend. Did I mention calm and incident free?! Nothing spectacular happened. Nothing extraordinary happened. Nothing happened!! I love nothing happening!
With TBIs (traumatic brain injury) everyone has to adjust to a new normal. Everything seems different. And it is. Honestly, doctors really don’t have much of a clue. They can tell you what text books say, but everyone is different. I know Tucker didn’t get the rehabilitation he needed because he didn’t have insurance. I understand that, I just wish there was more qualified people to help on the long road of TBI recovery!
Delusional would be a good word to describe us after bringing Tucker home from the hospital. We mistook the way he was acting then as gratitude for being alive, and I’m sure there was some gratitude. I just wish someone would’ve (or could’ve) told us that there would be so many phases Tucker would go through! It wasn’t that long before that sweet, innocent acting, extremely loving, almost childlike Tucker disappeared. Gone were all the sweet hugs, and the giggles, the quirkiness, and him saying funny things. That Tucker was replaced with a much more withdrawn, seemingly upset, at times sad, still quirky, paranoid, sometimes volatile Tucker. I have to tell you, if any of you have ever had to deal with anyone with, or have personally had addiction issues, (particularly meth) TBIs can very much resemble the actions of someone who’s on meth. Unfortunately, we had become all too familiar with that behavior. And unfortunately we ignorantly accused our brain injured son of getting back on drugs. I now feel so horrible for treating him that way. We just had no idea!
There were times when Tuck would seem exactly like the real Tucker! I think that’s why it was so confusing when things would go haywire so quickly! That and the fact that lots of people had only been around Tucker when he was high, so we heard a lot of things like, “He acts just like Tucker.” “There’s nothing different about him.” “He seems fine to me.” “There ain’t nothin’ wrong with him!” which made us doubt ourselves even more! We had no clue what was normal anymore! I found myself, at times, being Tucker’s only advocate! Then I would wonder if I was being an enabling mother. I’ve never wanted to be an enabler, especially to our son, and I’d rather fancied myself as not being that mom, so I found myself in a tough situation. Thankfully God put, and continually keeps putting, people in my path who’ve either been in Tucker’s, or our shoes! And the support group we joined has been a life saver!!!
Now, Steve and I know it’s up to us to see that Tucker gets the help he needs! The last time I took Tucker to see the neuro psychologist, it did way more harm than good! He judges Tucker by his past, and in the doctor’s defense, he doesn’t know Tucker at all, so how’s he remotely supposed to know what’s normal behavior for Tucker?! I was feeling so overwhelmed at the time, some of the things the doc had said didn’t hit me until later. I wish I’d taken up for Tucker more.
Tucker has now started counseling! Last night was his first session. He came home with a smile on his face, and seemed to be motivated to do better! You see, Tucker’s fully aware of his shortcomings, he’s fully aware that he’s different, and he’s fully aware that, even though he doesn’t like how he may sometimes feel about, or react to a situation, he can’t help the way he does feel! He just knows he has to learn to cope with his new normal!
That being said, I know our son will get better! All those promises God made me years ago about Tucker are still true! And although the road we have to travel may be a rocky one; I know that my feet are planted on THE ROCK! And that God has never failed and He ain’t about to start now! This too shall pass! It is what it is! The holes in our walls remind me that people are what’s important….not things! God’s got this! 🎶”I can see a light that is coming for a heart that holds on! I can see an end to our troubles but until that day comes, still I will praise You! Still I will praise You!”🎶