There are many people in this world who’ve been hurt by people, specifically women being hurt by men. There are lots of things about men that make women distrust them. Typically, sexual abuse, and sex crimes are committed by men. Society has made it seem acceptable for men to watch porn, and to objectify women. Before a man gets married, if he has lots of girl friends he’s considered to be a Casanova. Before a woman gets married, if she has lots of boy friends she’s considered to be a slut. Boys will be boys. All men are pigs. All men struggle with lust. They ALL do ‘that’. I’ve heard all these phrases (and been guilty of saying some) more than I care to admit!
First of all, know that it’s not acceptable for men to watch porn or to objectify any woman! It’s rude. It’s degrading. It’s straight up disgusting and deplorable. And being male is no excuse for such behavior! In my opinion, if your husband looks at porn he’s cheating on you! For that matter, if you’re a married woman, and you’re looking at porn you’re cheating too! If you’re married and you’re using porn to spice up your marriage, you’re both cheating! And God will not bless your marriage if you’re engaging in such behavior. Porn is a sin any way you look at it! The girls in those videos are being exploited, not to mention they’re someone’s daughter! How would you like watching your daughter doing things like that?!
Secondly, ladies, if you’re dating, and your beau is exhibiting these behaviors now, don’t expect him to change just because he repeats some vows! If you’re dating someone thinking that you’re going to change him, you’re delusional! Engaging in sinful behavior is a character issue, and you can’t change anyone’s character. You can influence them for sure! But there’s only one person who can change a person and that’s Jesus Christ. And Jesus will never force Himself on anyone! We have to surrender to Him!
Today Steve and I are celebrating our 23rd wedding anniversary. We tell people that we’ve been married 13 good years. Twenty three all together, 13 good ones. Y’all, those first 10 years were rough, to say the least! Why were they so bad? Because we did just about everything wrong! I had a child before I’d ever been married. I was Steve’s third wife, he already had two kids, and he was still married when we started living together. Oh, and did I mention I was 5 months pregnant when we finally did get married, on the 61st day after his divorce?! Some of y’all already know all this stuff, so sorry y’all are having to endure this, but someone needs to hear this!
To say that I didn’t trust Steve is an understatement! But why would I?! My goodness, he was married when we started dating, for crying out loud. I’m sure he didn’t trust me either. It was obvious that I didn’t know what I was doing! To say that my behavior was psychotic in those first few (or 10) years, is also a gross understatement. Had I went to a psychiatrist back then, they’d definitely labeled me as bipolar or something. Thankfully I never sought help! Contrary to some people’s beliefs, I wasn’t crazy at all! My problem was only that we were living outside of God’s perfect will, and His perfect plan for man and woman, in the covenant of marriage! We had done everything backwards and then expected things to be good?! What’s up with that?
Y’all, if you’re dating, look for a person, of the opposite sex, who loves Jesus! I can tell y’all, it’s so much easier for me to trust Steve now, because I know he loves Jesus, which allows him to know how to love me! It’s impossible to love without having the Holy Spirit inside you. Trust me, I’ve tried! You can fake it. You can try as hard as you know how to love. But unless you’re loving, by the power of the Holy Spirit, you’re just spinning your wheels!
Ladies, don’t settle! Don’t think you don’t deserve the best! Don’t accept what society says is normal! Know what God says is normal, and don’t settle for anything other than a godly man! Men, this goes for you too! Don’t settle for anything less than what God says is best! Will there still be hard times? Heck yes! People will always let you down! But, it’s so much easier to get over, and get through when both people love and trust Jesus!
Jesus Christ is why, and how Steve and I are still married today! I’m thankful to have such a perfectly imperfect marriage. A marriage that, hopefully, shows others that if you put God first it’s possible to not become a statistic!!
Friends, this world is not your home, so don’t make yourselves cozy in it. Don’t indulge your ego at the expense of your soul. Live an exemplary life among the natives so that your actions will refute their prejudices. Then they’ll be won over to God’s side and be there to join in the celebration when he arrives. 1 Peter 2:11-12 The Message