I’m getting right to the point this morning. To say that I am mad, sad, heartbroken and just plain sick is an understatement! I can hardly come up with words that describe how I feel. Some of the words I want to say are offensive to most people. If I let a few words slip I hope you’ll forgive me. If you can’t forgive me, then my advice to you would be to stop reading now, because I’m sure you will be offended! I’m trying to be honest and real. If you can’t handle it, find another blog. I’ll understand. ADDICTION F&@*%#!SUCKS!
It never fails! Things will be going along smoothly then BAM! The phone rings and it’s your son. Stranded in a crime ridden area carrying everything he owns! As a mom I would love nothing more than to scoop him up, bring him home, and love him back to normal. I wish that were possible! I’ll admit though, there was a part of me who wanted to hang up the phone and forget he had even called. Let’s be real here. If I had a dollar for every time he had ruined my damn plans with this kind of shit I’d be rich! You can call me selfish or judge me all you want, but I’m tired. So, I called my rock, his dad, because let’s face it women, men handle these things (especially with sons) way better than we do! At least my man does! I knew Steve would handle this the right way, even if it was hard.
Steve went and picked up our boy and brought him back to where we live. We had already told him he could not come home. He dropped him off at Walmart with everything he owned. Yes, a tiny part of me wished he would have wanted to go anywhere but here! Most of the time I don’t worry that much about what others think, but this is just getting so old! Quite frankly, it gets embarrassing. A friend messaged me and said he had given Tucker a ride to a “friends” house. I was thankful he’d found somewhere to go, even though I knew it probably wasn’t a good place. I went out and enjoyed my evening as best I could. The next day I went to church and to lunch. My intentions were to come home and take a nap. That didn’t happen.
I know when I get a phone call from a random number at a weird time, something is up. Tucker called and said he was stuck somewhere. A bad part of town. All his belongings had been stolen, including his phone and shoes! He had walked from some seedy motel to a gas station barefooted! I gathered up some things; a pair of shoes a few shirts and some pants. We hopped in the car and made the 45 minute drive to where he was.
To think of any person losing everything they own is heartbreaking. When it’s your only child? The pain is real! Even when you know those things aren’t worth much. Know what I mean? We tried to get him to go to a shelter or a treatment facility, but to quote him, “I’m not going to a f*cking rehab or a God d*mned shelter! I don’t need f*cking rehab!” My son doesn’t talk to me like that unless he’s using. Steve told him to figure out where he wanted to go. We ended up dropping him off at a Walmart a few miles down the road. No phone. The clothes on his back and a few dollars he claimed to have. I’m sick!
I’ve always been able to at least check on him through Facebook. When he had a phone I figured he could get in touch with someone to come take him somewhere. This is torture. Y’all, please pray for him! I’m so sad for him. I’m trying to trust God and believe that he’s going to be ok, but I’m struggling.
*Fear of man is a dangerous trap, but to trust in God means safety. Proverbs 29:25*